I Alone Control My Expectations: Letting Life Happen To You

“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find happiness that has always eluded you.” -Lisa Kleypa

Imagine this: you’ve been eagerly anticipating a movie for months, fueled by media hype and excitement. You finally sit down in the theater, only to leave feeling disappointed and let down. Instead of entering the movie with an open mind, you let external sources shape your preconceived ideas, raising your expectations and ultimately leading to disappointment. This scenario mirrors how we often approach life.

The Impact of Preconceived Expectations

Many people cling to their preconceived ideas, biases, and expectations, which can hinder our relationships and skew our outlook on life. Unrealistic expectations—whether they are too high or too low—often set us up for disappointment. When we reflect on past disappointments, we may realize that they stemmed from a disconnect between our reality and our expectations.

How Do We Form Our Expectations?

Our expectations are shaped by external influences, including past experiences, the information we choose to absorb, and the biases of those around us. Allowing these distractions to guide our expectations can lead to unrealistic beliefs about ourselves and others, ultimately affecting our perspective on life.

Having low expectations can result in underachievement and missed opportunities, while high expectations can foster perfectionism, low self-esteem, negative core beliefs, fear of intimacy, fear of failure, and fear of change. Such unrealistic expectations can damage our relationships with ourselves and others.

The Consequences of Rigid Expectations

Preconceived ideas and biases can create barriers in our conversations and relationships. When we allow unrealistic expectations to dictate our lives, we set ourselves up for continual disappointment. Holding others to high standards only raises the stakes, making any perceived failure feel even worse. Remember, it’s not our responsibility to meet others’ expectations of us.

You don’t have to fit into someone else’s reality. Prioritizing your own needs is crucial; it’s more important to learn to meet your own needs than to expect others to fulfill them. When asking for help, let go of the need for perfection and remain open to what others can offer. By managing our expectations, we create more opportunities for growth, learning, and enjoyment.

Cultivating Openness

Openness begins with letting go of preconceived ideas, biases, and expectations. A practical way to do this is by writing down your expectations and then reflecting on them through these six questions:

1. Is this really what I want?

2. Is this what my friends, family, or society wants?

3. How does this serve me?

4. How does this expectation hold me back?

5. What does this expectation take from me?

6. What will I gain from it?

Taking the time to answer these questions honestly can reveal new perspectives. Cultivating an open mind is essential for personal growth. Research indicates that lower expectations paired with high acceptance of circumstances correlate with increased happiness. It takes time and practice to learn effective expectation management.

Embracing Life’s Uncertainties

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, many of which are beyond our control. By letting go of rigid expectations and allowing life to unfold, you can take responsibility for your happiness. This also means releasing the expectation that others will meet your needs to make you happy. Instead, learn to care for yourself.

Opening up to life’s experiences and letting go of expectations can create the space needed for happiness and personal growth. It allows you to become the person you have always dreamed of being.

Join Me Next Week

Next week, I’ll introduce you to my service dog, Dobby. I’ll share what a service dog truly is, the qualifications they must meet, and why I chose to have one. You’ll also learn about the steps I’ve taken to ensure he is properly trained and where we are today. Stay tuned!