I Alone Control My Expectations: Letting Life Happen To You

“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find happiness that has always eluded you.” -Lisa Kleypa

Imagine going to see a movie that you have been waiting to come out for a while, and after following months of the media hype, you leave the theater disappointed and let down. Instead of walking into the movie with no expectations, you have allowed external sources to build preconceived ideas and biases that raised your expectations, only leaving you disappointed by the reality of the movie itself. The same happens to our expectations for life. 

Instead of allowing ourselves to be open to the events and reality around us, people tend to hold on to their preconceived ideas, biases, and expectations. This rigidity affects our relationships and our outlook on life by creating unrealistic expectations for ourselves, whether those are high or low. If we can look back at the times in our lives we felt disappointed, you may realize your disappointment was caused by your reality not living up to your expectations.

How do we develop our expectations? We develop our expectations through external sources, like past events, information we chose to learn, and peoples’ biases we choose to align with. Allowing these types of external distractions to navigate your expectations can create unrealistic expectations that can hinder your opinion on yourself, others, and your outlook on your life. Having low expectations can lead to underachieving and missing out on opportunities in life. Having high expectations can lead to perfectionism, low self-esteem, negative core beliefs, fear of intimacy, fear of failure, and fear of change. Having unrealistic expectations can rise up and hinder your relationships with yourself and others.

Preconceived ideas, expectations, and biases affect the relationships that we keep, and makes it hard to actively engage in a conversation if you are hiding behind these barriers. Allowing unrealistic expectations to guide you through life can only lead you to more disappointment. It is hard to maintain high expectations on others, because you are only setting the pedestal higher and making the disappointing fall even worse. This also includes others’ expectations of you. If a person chooses to judge you , let them be with their opinion. It is not our job to live up to the expectations others have for us. 

You don’t have to always be right in others’ reality. This is why learning to meet our own needs first is more important than expecting others to do so for us. When asking for help, let go of perfection, and be open to what people are able and willing to give you. Becoming more open and managing our expectations give us more opportunities to learn, grow, and enjoy life.

Openness starts by learning to let go of our preconceived Ideas, biases, and expectations. One way you can do this is by writing down your expectations. Once you have done so, ask yourself these six questions: 

• Is this really what I want?
• Is this what my friends, family, or society wants?
• How does this serve me?
• How does this expectation hold me back?
• What does this expectation take?
• What will I gain?

Looking at these questions realistically and answering them honestly, can open you up to new perspectives. Having an open mind is crucial to growth. Studies have shown lower expectations and high acceptance of the way things are corresponds to a rise in happiness. It just takes time and practice to learn how to manage your expectations.

Life is full of twists and turns, and some of them are out of our control. Letting go of our expectations, opening yourself up, and allowing life to unfold can lead to you taking responsibility for your life and can bring more happiness into your life when you least expect it. This also means letting go of the expectations that others are going to meet your needs to make you happy. Instead learn to care for them yourself. Opening ourselves up to all of life’s experiences and releasing our expectations can give you the space you need to learn how to be more happy and grow into the person you have always dreamed to be. 

Come back next week as I introduce you to my service dog, Dobby. I will be discussing what a service dog is, and what it takes for a dog to properly qualify as a service dog. I will also be sharing why I chose to have a service dog, the steps I have taken to make sure he is properly trained, and where we are today. Always remember, we all can rise from our ashes and soar.